Not The Only One

Have you ever felt distant from God?  I have.  It's a strange sort of feeling to have.  For me, the best way to describe it is the word "lost".  Lost because I know I should feel differently and yet I don't know how to feel differently.  I've had these moments randomly throughout my life.  But one in particular which took place in college I'd like to share.  I attended a Christian school where daily chapels, prayers and devotionals were the norm.  And yet I found myself feeling strangely numb and distant - sort of disconnected with God.  I didn't have a reason why.  I wasn't angry at Him.  Nothing particularly out of the ordinary had happened.  I just had a hard time desiring to pray or read my Bible.  Spending time with God seemed a little like being in a room with a friend you haven't seen for a really long time and suddenly finding yourself at a loss as to how to communicate.  I'm not sure what the cause was for my disconnect but I do know that it bothered me a great deal.  I felt guilty and sad.  With people praising God all around me I felt alone in my dilemma.

One day I made an effort to reconnect.  I picked up my Bible and began reading in Psalm and came across Psalm 143.  The following words written by David resonated with me:

So my spirit grows faint within me;
My heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul. (NIV)

It was as if somebody had written down my thoughts (albeit more dramatically).  This passage said to me "You're not alone. Others have gone through this too."  After reading it I think my first thought was a question.  "You mean David felt this way?"  David was a man with amazing faith and he felt distant?  He longed to feel God?"  If he, of all people, could have moments of disconnect then surely I, a mere average being, could have them too.  David regained his closeness with God.  I was hopeful I would too.

I did get out of my rut, funk, whatever you want to call it.  We all go through our moments.  And when we do, it helps to know that even those with the strongest of faith have had their moments too.

How have you found ways to get out of your moments of disconnect? 

Being Thankful First

I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High. Psalm 7:17

Last week was Thanksgiving - a time to reflect on blessings – not only of what we’ve been given but of what has been done for us. But here’s my struggle. I find it too easy to see the things I don’t have and I find it too hard to see the things I do have. In short – I see what I lack before I see what I’m blessed with. It’s a backward point of view, I know. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very thankful for my blessings. When I sit back and think about my life I can see how tremendously blessed I am. My issue is that I often have to make an effort to see them. I want to get to a point where I don’t have to make a conscious effort to see my blessings. I want to open my eyes and see what I have not what I don’t have. I want to wake up being thankful first.

Have you ever been around someone who is thankful first? They don’t spend their time wishing for more. They are perfectly content with what they have and how their life is going? When something bad happens it usually rolls off their shoulders? The motto they live by is simple. It’s “God is in control.” When I’m around people who are “thankful first” I notice something missing (of course I do). I see a lack of complaining. I see a lack of whining. And I wonder how they got to that point. From an early age we are conditioned to see through the wrong set of glasses. We are conditioned to want more. We are basically conditioned to be unsatisfied. How did they recondition themselves? My conclusion is that they made a conscious effort to see their blessings. They made a conscious effort to be thankful. Eventually – it became a new way of life – a better way of life.

My husband relayed a story to me recently of something that happened to him years ago when he was young. There was a person that some of his acquaintances didn’t like and they encouraged him to join them in being mean to this person. He told me that even though he didn’t have anything against this person he caved in. He didn’t feel good about this and it ate at him. After a day or two he realized something (and I think this is a divine revelation because if everybody realized this the world would be a completely different place). He realized it took just as much energy and effort to be mean as it does to be nice. So he made the decision to be nice.

I tell you that story because it relates in this way: It takes just as much energy and effort to praise God as it does to complain to God. Praising God gives us a much better return on our investment. We please Him and we see our lives as full instead of half-empty.

I have a desire to see God’s blessings more easily and to praise Him more frequently. I’ll start (again) by sharing some things I’m most thankful for:

God has given me unending love. He will always reach out to me no matter how far away I go. One of the things I love the most about God is that He never gives up on me – even when I give up on myself. He is committed to the end.

Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 106:1

God hears me and He answers me (sometimes in ways that are far greater than I can see or understand).

I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation. Psalm 118:21

There is really no way I can thank God for giving His son – allowing Him to take on my sins – so that I may have freedom. He paid a debt that I could never pay.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! 2 Cor 9:15

Life may be a struggle especially when fighting the attacks of the evil one. But I’m still a winner and am thankful for the victory.

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Cor 15:57

I am thankful for Heaven and the opportunity to spend time with my eternal family.

Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. Col 1:12

Collision Course

I believe strongly that prayer makes a difference.  But, sadly, my belief still comes with kinks in it.  I have had struggles in my life during which I prayed earnestly (I pleaded) for God to answer.  Sometimes I prayed for a solution to my problem and other times I simply wanted to hear from God - to know that He was with me in my struggle.  I'd like to say that begging always worked and that God responded just how I needed.  But that is not the case.  There were times I felt like my prayers went up in vain.  It felt like my prayers hit a wall somewhere up in the heavenly realm and didn't penetrate through to God.  Sometimes it felt like God heard them and simply chose to ignore them.  Even though I doubt the accuracy of my perception, it was still my perception.  I'll be honest.  I have been hurt and felt abandoned.  But even though my faith sometimes took a hit, I have always chosen to press forward.  It doesn't matter if I understand everything about God or how and why He works the way He does.  God is still God.

Yes, I pressed forward but what does that really mean? It means, sadly, that I pushed my feelings down inside of me and never attempted to resolve the issue.  I guess I figured that if I can't explain it than I'll just ignore it.  Counselors tell married couples they should always resolve their disagreements.  If they choose to ignore them, the unresolved issue and attached feelings fester and build inside.  The next time an argument takes place, what was hidden below will resurface.  The issue has compounded. 

This is what happened to me recently.  I reached out to God in prayer and pleaded once again for an answer.  Again I felt rejected.  I'm not saying that God didn't answer.  Actually I felt like the answer came and was a flat out "No".  And whether it seems reasonable or not, His answer defied my limited understanding of Godly love. I just didn't get it.  The pain, doubt and anger I had carefully pushed down from past disappointments came rushing to the surface.  I was facing a collision course of faith.

As I got into bed that night I picked up my prayer list and began to pray.  If you've read this blog you know that I've been faithfully dedicated to praying for people for 40 days at a time.  I have felt confident my prayers make a difference.  But this time as I began to pray a part of me said "My prayers don't work."  And in a split second I could mentally see myself putting the list down and giving up.  But...the graciousness of the Holy Spirit inside me revealed the truth of what was happening.  You see...my prayers do work!  Whether I see the results of them or not my prayers are making a difference.  They are affecting people's lives for good and God is working in them.  And the Evil One doesn't like it one bit.  He wants me to stop.  He knows my weaknesses.  He knows where the kinks are in my faith and he attacks where he believes it'll do the most damage.  He stirred up my feelings of hurt, neglect and doubt.  He said: "Remember when God didn't do this for you? God doesn't answer your prayers so why bother."  But here is what I know...God does care!  My prayers do work and I'm not going to stop.  The evil little snake can crawl back into his hole.  His attempt to manipulate me has failed.  This battle has been won!

Even though I came through this collision with minor scrapes I know the war is not over.  Satan will try again.  What happens next time when the pain and hurt I've buried has grown?  Will the strength of my negative feelings blur out the voice of the Holy Spirit? Will I give up on prayer?  Satan spots our weaknesses easily.  Sometimes it takes a collision course to get us to see the holes in our own armor.  My buried feelings of rejection are still there - still waiting to be resolved.  I must deal with them in order to strengthen my faith.  I can no longer simply ignore them.  It may take some time but, thankfully, God has always been generous with time.  He will guide me through and I will be stronger at the other end.

I Serve A God Who Loves!

I serve a God who, despite our lapses in judgment, continues to welcome us into His home. We are the prodigal children and He rejoices with our return (no matter how many times we leave).

I serve a God who hears our cries (the cries of His children) and holds us in His arms until it’s time to let us go. And when that time comes He gives us strength to get up and move forward. Always maintaining a watchful eye – not to condemn us for our mistakes but to support us along the way.

I serve a God who cries with us. He shares in our pain. Our sorrow is His sorrow. A parent hurts when their children hurt – even when the parent knows the pain must take place.

I serve a God who mourns when we turn away from Him. Not because He’s keeping a tally of how many will enter the Throne Room but because we’re His children. He mourns the loss of a child. Rejection hurts!

I serve a God who longs for us and doesn’t sit idly by watching our lives play out. He is actively involved. He participates. And even better - He prays for us to be with Him.

I serve a God who never leaves us alone. He never abandons us. He sent Himself (His Spirit) to live in us - to be our guide and Comforter.

I serve a God who fights for us – whether this means He’s fighting our battles on our behalf or fighting to keep us in His fold. Like a shepherd guarding His sheep or a mama bear guarding her cubs - He is fiercely protective.

I serve a God who demonstrates His love not by always indulging us with our wants but by graciously giving us our needs.

I serve a God who will sometimes give us our wants – simply because doing so brings Him joy. Like a parent giving a child a gift, it warms the heart.

I serve a God who can take the heart of the vilest person and transform him or her into someone beautiful. There is not one who can’t be transformed by the love of God.

I serve a God who allowed His son to suffer like no man ever has or will (by taking on the sins of the world) so that He may become our atoning sacrifice.

I serve a God who loves us enough to pay the debt we could never pay.

I serve a God who loves!

Prepared Hearts

I love being blessed. It doesn't matter if the blessings come from family, friends or from total strangers, they're all great. But the blessings I receive from God are - shall I say it - divine! I like to think I receive God's blessings all the time. There are the blessings of food, shelter, and clothing I'm thankful to get each and every day and countless other I can think of. But I wonder how many blessings come my way that I don't even notice or worse yet – that I turn away because I don't recognize what they are. Why does that happen? I think the problem is that I'm not always prepared to receive them. My heart or attitude might be in a bad place when a blessing comes down from heaven and I won’t notice it. I may be so consumed in my own thoughts, pain, anger, doubt, or busyness that I don't see the hand of God working in my life.

One of the main things I pray when praying for others is for God to bless them in whatever way He desires to. It could be a blessing that is financial, emotional, physical, or spiritual. Whatever their need is I know He sees it and wants to provide. Recently I was praying for someone in particular whose relationship with God is, I'll just say, sketchy. I began to wonder if that person would 1) even notice the blessings and/or 2) recognize the source from which they came. I thought about their heart and realized that if the heart wasn't right the effectiveness of the blessings could be diminished. What happens when prayers fall on unprepared hearts?

I thought about my own heart? How prepared is it to receive the blessings God wants to give me? What if God blesses me with something I don't think I want? If I pray for blue and He gives me red what will be my reaction? Red’s not even in the same color family. Will I pout? Will I say "no thanks"? Do I subconsciously think a blessing is only a blessing if it's exactly what I think it should be? If God wants to give me red then I want my heart to want red too.

If our hearts are unprepared I feel that, although we still receive blessings, we won’t receive the maximum benefit God may be hoping to achieve in giving them. I liken it to opening a present and saying "Thanks. This will come in handy." versus opening a present and saying "AWESOME! UNBELIEVABLE TIMING! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED (OR WANTED)! YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF! YOU ALWAYS BLESS ME IN WAYS I CAN'T IMAGINE! YOU CONTINUE TO SHOW ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME AND HOW MUCH YOU CARE! I DON'T DESERVE THIS BUT I THANK YOU FOR REACHING INTO MY LIVE AND SHOWING ME HOW SPECIAL I AM TO YOU! YOU ARE AMAZING!" Which reaction would you like to get? I’m sure God would prefer the second. But don’t get me wrong – I don’t think it’s all about the gratitude. I think it’s about the total package – which includes the full understanding of what was given and how we benefit.

I know first hand that God prepares hearts. Before my husband and I left for China to adopt our baby girl I prayed often that God would prepare her for us – that she wouldn’t be frightened by the new strangers removing her from the only world she knew. I believed even at just a few months of age God could still prepare her for us. And He did! Not a tear was shed when they placed her in our arms. She looked at us as if to say “There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.” This was a blessing I will forever be grateful for!

The revelation of needing a prepared heart was a blessing to me because it showed me I need to change the way I pray. I know it’s good and Godly to pray for people to be blessed (including me). But now I know I need to pray for God to prepare our hearts so that we receive the blessings He so graciously gives. I continue to believe God wants to bless us in many ways and, furthermore, that it gives Him great joy to do so. Why? Because He loves us.

I Love It When The Bad Guy Says "Oops!"

“I will gain glory for myself……they will know that I am the Lord!” Ex. 14:4

You know the feeling you get when the underdog wins? It’s a feeling of triumph. Not only do we see the “little guy” win but there’s something about those victories that make us feel like we’ve just won too. Somehow their victory is our victory.

We see these moments a lot on TV and in film. Movie makers earn millions making us feel victorious in films such as: The Karate Kid, The Man From Snowy River, Facing The Giants, and The Blind Side. The list goes on. Let’s face it – feel good movies make us feel good. But more than in movies we love those same moments in real life. We love it when the school bully suddenly realizes he picked on the wrong kid. We love it when the nerd transforms himself and gets the high-school beauty queen. We love it when the down and out turn lemons into lemonade. We love it when the losers turn around and win. But maybe if we’re honest – or maybe it's just me – we love the moment more because the bad guy - the antagonist - or naysayer suddenly realizes he’s made a mistake. We love the moment when he says “Oops!”

Yes, I love these moments as they occur in everyday life but I especially love these moments when they occur in a “God battle”. Although any member of God’s army is never truly an underdog – the world sometimes presents the illusion that they are. We see time and time again in the Bible how God’s people appeared to be the underdogs and yet came out victorious. These were moments when God made the impossible possible. These were moments when those on the wrong side surely said “Oops!”

Take Pharaoh's army, for example, as they followed the Israelites onto the dry path created by the division of the Red Sea. Despite the obvious sign that something supernatural was taking place, they continued to go after the Israelites. When the walls of water started collapsing on them, don't you think maybe just a few of them had an "Oops!” moment where they suddenly realized the Israelite’s God was far more powerful than Pharaoh?

What about the battle of Jericho? Logic says of course you can't destroy a whole fortified city by marching around it. I imagine Jericho's finest guards watching in wonder as their confusion turned to mockery. "What are you lunatics trying to pull? What's with the music? Where is your God? Is this how He fights battles? Ha Ha Ha!" But then on the seventh day the walls started shaking and trembling. Did the guards watch sections of the walls crumbling down around them? Did they say "Oops! Maybe we shouldn't have been so cocky. Their God is amazing. He’s destroying our city without even touching it."

There are so many great “Oops” moments in the Bible. How about all those people who thought Noah was crazy? “Oops!” How about those Philistines? I can almost hear them yelling “Oops!” as they ran for cover when their mighty protector, Goliath, was killed by a shepherd boy? And what about that moment of all moments when the tomb was found empty? Were there maybe a few people who said "Oops! Maybe Jesus was the Messiah after all."

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t enjoy the “Oops” moments because I’m vindictive. I don’t want the “bad guy” to suffer. Sure I enjoy the victory but it’s more than that. I enjoy them because it may be the moment when the bad guy realizes he’s on the wrong side in the battle of good vs. evil. You see, until he realizes he’s on the wrong team, he’ll never get on the right team.

God always amazes me. Not only in the things He has done but in the things He still does today. I love being on His team because I know that even when I face the impossible - it's not truly impossible. I love to see God prove people wrong. I love to see His glory revealed. I love it when God says by His actions: "Don't think for one minute you have me figured out. I am more powerful than you could ever imagine." Don’t tell me that my God is not powerful. Someone who says that God is not powerful is someone who has yet to see who God really is.

I Serve A God Who Wins!

I serve a God who grants victory to those that serve Him.

I serve a God who stuns and shocks His enemy by His power and faithfulness.

I serve a God who helped a boy defeat a giant with the mere slinging of a stone while everyone who was supposed to fight trembled with fear.

I serve a God who tells an army commander that he has too many soldiers and leads him to victory with a mere 300 men.

I serve a God who won a battle of wills against a tyrant Pharaoh and freed his people from bondage. A God who, when the path was blocked and the fate of His people seemed all but doomed, spread the waters before them and gave them a way out - crushing their enemies behind.

I serve a God who won a battle between Gods when He ignited a fire on a thoroughly water soaked altar in front of a shocked and dismayed audience of Baal worshipers and prophets. Arguably not a hard battle to win since the other gods only existed in the hearts and minds of their worshippers.  The point of His own existence and power was made very clear.

I serve a God who won the battle of territory when he made the walls of Jericho simply collapse after His army marched around the city for seven days listening to the taunts of its residents who thought they were safely protected inside their walls.

I serve a God who fights and wins the battles that sin wages against me so that I have the strength and time to serve Him (not hindered by the evil one's distration of the week).

I serve a God who offers victory when defeat looks ready to be handed down. 

I serve a God who has already won the war against the evil one.  The kingdom is His!

I serve a God who wins! (And it feels great to be on the winning team!)

Just A Thought - The Power of a Healed Ear

Do you ever wonder what happened to some of the people's lives that Jesus touched?  In Luke chapter 22 we read about Jesus' arrest.  Here is how Luke describes what followed after Jesus was approached by Judas and the men that came to arrest Him: 

When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen, they said, "Lord, should we strike with our swords?" And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.  But Jesus answered, "No more of this!" And he touched the man's ear and healed him. 

I wonder what happened to that servant.  I wonder what went through his mind.  First there must have been a little bit of fear and some anger at being attacked. But then what?  Maybe he felt shock that the very man they came to arrest would heal him (and could heal him for that matter).  I'm sure he probably carried out his duties that evening not fully knowing what to think or how to act.  But I wonder as the evening progressed how his heart was affected by Jesus' loving action.  When all was said and done, did he go home to his family and describe their "victory" and getting rid of Jesus.  Or was there a sense of remorse?  And if being healed by this Man wasn't enough to push him into belief - what went through his mind when the tomb was found empty.  I like to think that maybe, then, this servant believed in a different kind of victory that day. 

Just A Thought!

A Year of Success

A year ago I started a new prayer "program".  I make a list of people I know (family, friends, and/or acquaintances) and I pray for them daily for 40 days.  When the 40 days is over, I make a new list and start over.  Earlier this month I discovered that I have successfully done this program for a year.  This means something to me because I've tried many different ways over the years to get myself dedicated to prayer.  This method works for me.  I have found myself committed.  I truly believe I'm making a difference in the people's lives I'm praying for.  I know they are being blessed and it feels great being a part of God's blessings.

The Quest for Freedom: Part 5 - Trust: Putting Faith Into Action

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

To most people faith and trust are essentially the same. However, there is a slight difference. Trust has the added function of also being a verb. It is defined as “committing or placing in one’s care”. Another definition is “relying on something future or contingent”. What this says to me is that trust is an action coupled with the belief of something in return. We “commit” or “rely” and in return we receive something such as care. There is an exchange.

Think about the exercise where you’re supposed to fall backwards and trust the person to catch you. You fall – he catches. There is an exchange taking place. You can’t just say “I believe you’ll catch me but if it’s all the same to you I won’t fall back to prove to you that I do. You can take my word for it.” Your statement of faith means very little when it’s not followed up with an act of trust.

To me trust can be described as the step following faith. We start with faith but trust is putting our faith into action. Sometime it is, what we call, ‘taking a leap of faith’. Someone can say they have faith in God but it’s what they do with that faith that really means something. It’s one thing to say we have faith but it’s another altogether to back it up with our actions.

Not all faith requires a physical action of trust. Sometimes it simply requires an expectation. Looking at the story of Abraham we know he had a tremendous amount of faith. When God told him that he and Sarah would have a child, he had faith in that promise. God’s promise required only that Abraham believed and expected the promise to come true. However, when we travel a little further down the road of Abraham’s life we witness a pivotal moment where God required more than faith. He required trust. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. I’m sure Abraham had many questions. But whatever questions he had, he still had faith. He believed in who God was and he believed in God’s character. He made a difficult choice and acted on his faith. He put his faith into action and trusted God.

In Matthew chapter 10, we read where Jesus sends out the twelve apostles to preach His message. His instructions were as follows: “Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.” Seems kind of radical but, as always, there was a reason. It was imperative these individuals understood their needs would be met – that the one sending them out was their provider. I try to imagine myself in their shoes. I can totally see myself sneaking along a few packages of peanut butter and crackers just in case. Doesn’t show much faith, does it? Sadly that’s how many of us have been conditioned to think. In our worldly logic, it seems foolish or irresponsible to not be prepared or to expect others to meet our needs. We’ve taken trust out of the equation. Sure we believe that God can do but do we believe that He will do? Why is it that we always have to have a back-up plan just in case God doesn’t come through for us? And, then again, maybe that’s why He chooses not to come through for us. Where is our trust?

Think for a moment about the widow who gave her last two coins at the temple. She was a widow. Widows and orphans were some of the least cared for people of that time. She, likely, had no one to meet her needs (food, clothing or otherwise). How long would those two coins have lasted her? I don’t know. She was probably in a desperate situation and yet she trusted in God’s provision. She demonstrated the amount of her faith by giving everything she had. She took an action with the expectation of a return and Jesus noticed. He said: “she has put in more than all the others.” She gave more than coins.  She gave God her trust.

There are countless examples in the Bible of faith being put into action. We can look at Gideon, Joshua, Noah, Moses, Nehemiah, and Esther just to name a few. These were ordinary people who believed in God but had the courage to trust in Him also. Their trust took their lives from ordinary to extremely blessed. How much different would our lives be if we acted out our faith – if we expected the blessings or the miracles we say we believe in?

How does trust relate to freedom? God’s ways and methods don’t always make sense to us and because of this we can get stuck/trapped/imprisoned in a world dictated by worldly logic. Truly believing and acting on our faith frees us from those bonds and allows us to experience a realm of Godly possibilities. If we truly live like we say we believe, the reward is great.  There is nothing that can stop us. How much freer can we get?

I read this statement somewhere and think it's fitting:  “We can never become fully intimate with a God we do not completely trust.”  How are you at trusting?  I know I work on it daily and that's okay.  Progress is progress.  I see freedom on the horizon and blessings in abundance.

The Quest for Freedom: Part 4 - Faith

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep His commands."  Deuteronomy 7:9

     We are on a quest for freedom. Freedom from fears, doubts, sin, lies and any ungodly thing that bind us. Previously we looked at the amazing power of love and how it frees and empowers us through its security. As we continue our quest for freedom we turn now to faith. But in identifying how faith can help us achieve freedom we need to understand what faith is and what its role is. The Bible, in particular the New Testament, is filled with references to faith. It is through these scriptures that we’ll get a better view of the importance of faith.

What is faith?

Hebrews 11:1 says: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Dictionaries echo that definition describing it as the firm belief in something for which there is no proof; belief without question.

Where does it come from and how does it grow?

“Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” Romans 10:17

Based on scripture we know the more we dig into the Word of God and the more we hear God’s message, the stronger our faith will become. I happen to believe, also, that a person’s faith will grow the more it’s put into practice.

How important is faith?

Throughout the gospels Jesus comments quite a bit on the faith of those around Him. On many occasions He made statements like “Your faith has saved you.”, “You have great faith.”, or to the negative: “You of little faith.” It’s as if faith acts almost like a barometer. It’s a measuring tool. It was one of the key things Jesus looked for in people. It is important! Here are some scriptures that give us proof of that.

In Mark 11:22 Jesus gave this direction: “Have faith in God.”

Hebrews 11:6 says “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

Romans 10:13-14 says “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. How then can they call on the one they have not believed in?”

Romans 1:17 says those who live by faith are called righteous.

Romans 3:22 says: "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe."

What is the affect of faith in our lives?

The Bible shows us many examples of how faith affects our lives. Repeatedly we see that when Jesus encountered the sick and after He “saw their faith”, He healed them. It appears based on scripture that the amount of faith we have correlates to the amount of blessings we receive. In Matthew 9:29 Jesus says "According to your faith will it be done to you.” and conversely Matthew 13:58 says “And he (Jesus) did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.”

Having faith makes us stronger. We are not reliant on the visual for proof. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says: “We live by faith, not by sight.” When we encounter problems or satan’s deceptions we are able to deal with them in confidence.

If your faith is strong (meaning you are secure in what you know), then you are a stronger, more free individual. Doubt (a wavering belief) makes it easier for deception to find a place to settle in one’s mind. And deception ultimately leads to imprisonment. Think about something you know as a certainty (the color of the sky, your address, anything). You know without a doubt what is true. There is no wavering in your belief. If someone came up to you and tried to convince you otherwise, you would 1) either think they were crazy or 2) recognize their attempts to manipulate your understanding of what you believe. Having a strong faith will give us the ability to spot and fight the attacks of the Deceiver. I believe it is important to constantly work on building our faith. A weak faith can be damaged by life's circumstances (loss of a loved one, physical illness, financial problems, natural disasters, etc). A strong faith will get you through life's difficult times and keep you close to God.

How are we blessed by faith?

Acts 26:18 says that we are sanctified (made holy) by faith in Jesus.

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12

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On a side note – as I was working on this article I began writing down what my definition of faith in God was. And as I was writing, it occurred to me that I was writing a statement of faith. This surprised me. Not because of what I was writing but because, to my knowledge, I have never actually written a Statement of Faith. It may sound strange but there is something “freeing” and empowering in writing out my faith in God and verbalizing it. I have been learning lately about how our negative words can have a binding affect in our lives. Think, then, how much more powerful the positive declaration of our faith can be. At the top of this blog there is a tab I’ve created called “Statement of Faith”. I have put my statement there. I hope you’re encouraged to create your own statement.

The Quest For Freedom: Part 3 - Love

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

In our quest for freedom we look to Christ. When He died on the cross He released us from the bondage of sin. It's our acceptance of Him that ultimately sets us free. But being free and living free may not always be the same. So how do we live free? I think we start with love. When we love we emulate the very nature of God. God is love! Since God is all-powerful and God is love can we conclude that love is - well - if not all-powerful, then at least very, very powerful? Think about what love can do. Love draws people towards it. It connects people with a purpose. It motivates people to action. It lightens burdens. It heals people hearts. It takes away pain. It empathizes. It makes people feel safe. It gives people strength. It gives people hope. Do you see the similarities between love and God?

Love (God) changes our lives and the way we live them. Love empowers us. When we know that someone "has our back" or will never give up or abandon us, we live differently. We live free. We live more boldly because we feel safe. We may not always win our battles but at least we know we have someone continually by our side. We're never alone. That's the kind of freedom love brings to the table. And we can't get that freedom from anyone except Christ. Allowing God's love to take a hold of us - allowing it to transform our thoughts and our actions is a key step in breaking through the chains that bind us. When you obtain your freedom you become empowered. (If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31)

We talk all the time about God's love. We certainly accept it mentally as fact but do we accept it emotionally. Do we fully understand the depth of God's love for us? (And when I say "us" I mean you and me individually. I don't mean "us" collectively.) Do I get how much He loves me? Do you get how much He loves you?

I was reading a commentary about God's love in dealing with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. When they sinned, God had every right to "zap" them out of existence. He could have started over with two new people. Or He could have exiled them and never spoke to them again. But this is not what God did. They were His creation - His children and He loved them. Even though their sin separated them (and us) from God, He never stopped wanting to reestablish a loving relationship with them. And He never stops wanting a relationship with us.

God's desire is for us to be with Him. That desire is clearly shown in John chapter 17 (one of my favorite passages). Jesus is praying in the garden of Gethsemane. He is about to be taken and crucified. Despite His anguish over what He knows is about to happen to Him, He doesn't pray only for Himself. He prays for the ones He is about to leave behind. First He prays for the disciples and then for us.

"My prayer is not for them alone (disciples). I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world." (vs 20-24)

Did you catch that? He wants us to be with Him where He is. There is something truly special about the fact that the Son of Man was praying for you and me (and still does). His love expressed through the pain of leaving us behind and the hope of seeing us again.

One of the most quoted verses in the Bible, of course, is John 3:16. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son." God does love the world but I believe His love goes deeper than that. I am utterly convinced the depth of God's love is so strong that even if I was the only sinner on earth to save, He would still allow His son to die for me. Not because I'm worthy but because He loves me that much. That's a love that should not be taken lightly. That's a love that empowers me to love more.

Never doubt God's love for you. Accept it. Run with it. Nurture it. And most importantly - share it! I don't believe God wants us to love simply because it feels nice or because it's the right thing to do. I believe He wants us to love others because it is the single most effective way to demonstrate to others who God is. How can you share God with someone if you don't know who He is? (Whoever does not love does not know God because God is love. 1 John 4:8) Loving freely will give you freedom in return.

The Quest for Freedom: Part 2 - Imprisonment

Breathing was difficult. There was an unusual thickness in the air that was closing in on me. There were, what seemed to be, invisible walls confining me. Circumstances in my life were weighing me down. The oppression was strong. I was very uncomfortable and in emotional and spiritual pain. I could see people walking around me in perfect freedom. I wanted to be where they were. But I was trapped. I couldn't get out of my prison. Or so I thought. Thankfully God's light could still penetrate the walls of my cell. I slowly began to see Truth once again. The fog was lifting. The truth: I was not trapped at all. I was free then and am free now, always and forever.

I walked into my prison on my own accord. I fell into one of satan's snares. With both feet caught, things began to blur. I couldn't see God clearly. I began to believe the lies spoken to me in my cell ("I belong here.", "This is my life now.", "There's no way out."). Maybe I'm the only one that's ever felt imprisoned---but I don't think I am. Maybe you have felt like you were trapped in a real-life nightmare or on a runaway train going the wrong direction. Maybe you've wanted to hit the power button and "reboot" or desperately call for a "do-over" so you could choose a different path. The feeling is oppressive, isn't it?

Sometimes we make a choice and can immediately feel oppression set in. At other times the oppressive feeling sneaks into our lives gradually. One day we wake up to find ourselves in prison. There is no one to blame but ourselves. God doesn't put us there. He never intended for us to live in bondage. In fact, He secured our freedom through His Son. We can't really blame satan. Sure he tricks us and temps us but the truth is - he has no authority to keep us in bondage. We can choose freedom. The door isn't locked. Jesus has taken the key and thrown it away forever. Our imprisonment is a state of mind. So why do some of us spend so much time under the control of an unholy warden?

I think satan must marvel at our gullibility. I imagine him giving his minions a tour of his "lair". They come to a room full of Christians. One of his minions asks "What are those Christians doing here? I thought you didn't have the authority to keep them here." Satan answers, "I don't but it doesn't keep me from trying. I set traps to see what happens. They take the bait and end up here. This group has been here for five years and still hasn't figured out they can leave whenever they want. I tell them lies and belittle them so they don't have the courage to walk out. I can't keep them here but at least I've rendered them useless for awhile."
It's a little scary how easily we fall for the traps. My belief is that becoming aware of satan's tactics and the weapons he uses will make us better able to withstand them. Here are a few oppressive tactics I believe he uses:

SIN - this is probably the most obvious. In John 8:34 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin." The more we submit to sin, the more trapped we become. Fortunately, grace and redemption are always available.

FEAR - I mentioned in Part 1 that fear can cause us to be paralyzed. Not being able to move forward means we're in prison. If we can't move, then we are not free. Fear can also cause us to run the other way. Although being "on the lamb" isn't a stationary prison, it's still a prison. There is freedom in doing the things we know we ought to do and doing what God has asked us to do.

GUILT - We can be so overcome with guilt for past sins, for life choices, for not being "good" or "deserving" enough that we let guilt keep us from being the free child God meant for us to be. Perfection is a prison. God has never asked us to be perfect. He wants our hearts not our qualifications.

PEOPLE - Sometimes we do things to please other people. This in itself isn't bad. But if we are trying to get the approval of man, it is. Sometimes we try to please people out of fear. We're afraid to disappoint them. We're afraid to make them angry. We can spend our lives falling into the prison of wanting man's approval or we can enjoy the freedom that comes with God's approval.

FINANCES - We can be so consumed by money (whether it's about getting it, keeping it or spending it) that we become imprisoned by it. It controls us. I think freedom comes from being able to truly say: "It's only money.".

EMOTIONS - Life has its fair share of ups and downs. And with the "downs" come feelings such as sadness, anger and depression. These are perfectly natural and expected. The problem is in letting the emotions overtake us. When that happens they keep us from feeling the freeing affects of love and from experiencing peace. What remains is an imprisonment of negative emotions. We have all seen people, for example, who are consumed with hate. Sadly, they've chosen to live in the oppressiveness of hate rather than the freedom of God's love.

In my medium-length life, I have felt the oppression from some of those traps. And undoubtedly will come across more on my journey. But if I can keep focused on God's truth, I realize I don't have to live my life in bondage. I hope to live my life knowing that satan has no power over me - no authority to hold me captive. I have been set free!

1 Corinthians 7:22 - For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman.

The Quest For Freedom: Part 1 - Fear

From the time we are born we grab onto fear naturally. It is instinctive. And it yields a tremendous amount of power. Even at an early age fear becomes a key component in our decision making process. On one hand we might think there is such a thing as a "healthy dose of fear". It's that "healthy dose" which we think keeps us out of trouble. Parents like the idea of a "healthy dose" when children are young because children don't yet have the knowledge and wisdom to effectively make good decisions. Fear of punishment, for example, often comes in handy. But we all grow up eventually. And with that growth we learn - we gain knowledge and wisdom. The use of fear in our decision making process should be replaced with Godly wisdom, knowledge and a little bit of common sense. Fear is a negative motivator. Better we should base our decisions on positive motivators (God, hope, love, trust, faith) and rely less on fear.
Fear comes as a wild and vicious attack on our attempts to live a peaceful life. It is a very useful and cunning tool for the evil one. Fear can attack through things like self-confidence (fear of not being able to do something), self-worth (fear of not being good enough), relationships (fear of disappointing others, making others angry, rejection, or punishment), finances (fear of not having enough money or fear of letting it go), or simply in the fear of the unknown. In my life, I have felt the attack of fear come in a number of these different forms. Maybe you have felt fear attack you in some of these ways as well. Or maybe you've seen it in others. Ironically, sometimes it's easier to see fear's hold on other people before we notice its hold on ourselves.
When I began looking at fear to see the affect it has on our lives, I came up with three main affects. It either paralyzes us, make us run the other way (becoming disobedient), or it imprisons us. The idea that fear paralyzes struck me first because that's the affect it usually has on me. How many times have I come to a fork in the road and stopped dead in my tracks? I don't want to go to the left because that path doesn't really appeal to me. I like the paths straight ahead and to the right but each one seems risky and full of uncertainties. I don't move in any direction because something holds me back. Excuses! And what ultimately drives excuses? Fear! I go nowhere and fear has done its job. (Or shall I say the evil one has accomplished his mission.)
In the Bible I found another, more detrimental, affect that fear can have. It relates to how we respond to God and His promptings. Has God ever asked you to go down a path you were afraid to go down? What was your reaction? Did you follow in love and obedience or did fear make you run the other way (acting in disobedience)? Running and disobedience are reactions based on fear not reactions based on love and trust. Allowing fear to control our decisions has a detrimental affect on our relationship with God. There are consequences to putting our own fears above God's plan. Jonah feared the people of Nineveh more than he trusted in God and landed in the belly of a big fish. I believe God wants to trust our willingness to serve Him. But how can He do that if every time something comes up we side with fear?
Fear also imprisons us. The more we allow it to control our lives and the decisions we make, the less we are able to enjoy the freedom that God intended for us. There is much more on the topic of imprisonment I will dig into in Part 2 of this series. But for now I think it's helpful to recognize that we all have fear. How we allow fear to affect our lives can be a determining factor in what kind of life we live. God doesn't want us to be controlled by fear but rather controlled by love, faith and trust. In Genesis, God reassured Abram with this promise: "I am your shield. Your very great reward.". Removing fear and replacing it with God's promise (that He is our shield - our very great reward) could have a dramatic affect and fundamentally change how we live our lives. We could become more than conquerors.
Proverbs 29:25 - Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Romans 8:15 - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Upcoming and "Just A Thought"

Hi there -

To my friends, family and supporters. I have not updated this blog as often as I'd like but I wanted to let you know that I am working on a series entitled "The Quest For Freedom" (and no - it's not political). I am hoping to have the first article done shortly. I could have thrown something out there on the web but I wanted to take my time and give the series an appropriate effort. The series will deal with the topics of fear, imprisonment, love, faith, trust and, of course, freedom. My hope is always that God will work in me and through me as I continue the journey of "Building My Faith". I hope to be a blessing to you as well.

In the meantime - I thought I'd toss in a new blog segment called "Just A Thought". Here is one I had recently:

I was imagining what it would be like in Heaven when we encountered fellow Christians that we didn't particularly like. It's easy to assume we don't have to worry about seeing our non-Christian enemies in Heaven. We won't have to play nice-nice with them. But what about our Christian brothers and sisters? It's probably safe to say that most of us - if not all of us have had torn relationships with fellow Christians. We may not like them but that doesn't mean they're not going to walk through those pearly gates. How are we going to act when we see them at the big Heavenly Praise Fest? What's our attitude going to be like? Imagine walking along the streets paved with gold when you see him or her down the way talking to others. Will you continue walking filled with love? Or will you say to yourself "Ugh! I do not want to talk to that person." and then turn and walk away (trying to find an alternate route to the Praise Fest). Funny thing is - I get the feeling there isn't room in Heaven for that kind of "attitude." Imagine what Heaven would be like if half of us didn't want to stand next to the other half. It's not really the place written about in the Bible, is it? It's not really "Heaven". I'm thinking I'd better make sure my attitudes down here are good 'cause I'm not sure I'll be able to get through the gates clinging to them.

That's my thought. See you next time!

Talking Vs. Listening

In my last blog entry "I Don't Have The Right To Be Unhappy" I wondered how God can talk to me if I'm too busy complaining. Well - over the last couple of weeks I have made a concentrated effort to listen better and to stop complaining. And I just want to say - WOW! It does make a difference. It's amazing what you can hear when you stop talking. In just a couple of weeks time - I have heard one particular message multiple times and through multiple mediums. And every time I hear it I know God is trying to tell me something. The best part is that there is no condemnation is His message. What I get is His reassurance that He's working in my life and reassurance of His love. I may just quit taking altogether:-)

Daily Medicine

You know how people with chronic illnesses often take daily medication. The medication is not a cure. It's intended to help control their symptoms. There is an inherent problem, however, in getting rid of the symptoms. When the symptoms go away, the patient can sometimes begin to feel like they are cured. Along with feeling cured comes the temptation to stop taking the medicine. And, of course, when a patient stops taking their medicine, the symptoms of the disease return. It's a vicious cycle.

I've discovered something about myself. I have a chronic illness - not of a physical kind but of a spiritual kind. I don't know its official name but I think it's something like "control-itis". Truth be known I think I also have a little bit of the disease "I-want-it-my-way-itis". I'd rather not have any diseases. I'd rather be spiritually healthy - have a perfect spirit inside me. But I'm human and as such I am flawed. I'm learning to accept my weaknesses. Thankfully there is help. The great pharmaceutical team up above has already done the research. There is powerful medicine to help me with my problem(s). The medication I need comes in the form of a "prayer pill". There is a distinct difference between spiritual medicine and earthly medicine. Earthly medicine is "taken" and is often accompanied by a bitter aftertaste. The "prayer pill" is meant to be "offered" not "taken". There is no bitter aftertaste and it is quite refreshing. But daily medication is required for a healthy spiritual relationship.

I've come to the conclusion that left on my own there are some issues (diseases) I'm always going to struggle with. But I'm adjusting to my medicated lifestyle. Each morning I offer my "prayer pill" and ask God to help me to be happy in the here and now - to be satisfied so that I'm not always putting off the joys of today for tomorrow. I also hand over to God the concerns of my life. They are things I can't truly control anyway (even though I've tried). By daily giving my burdens (or symptoms) to God, I am free to focus on Godly things not worldly worries.

I know at some point, as my symptoms disappear, I'll begin to think I'm cured. I'll start to feel like I won't need to pray those specifics daily. But I firmly believe these are battles I will face my whole life. If I stop taking (or in this case offering) my daily medicine, I'm smart enough to know I will fall back into old patterns. My symptoms will reemerge. The peace of my prayer medicated life will disappear. No, I don't have a problem taking my medicine. I'd rather live in peace (symptom free) than live with the constant struggle.

The list of chronic spiritual illnesses is long. There are many floating around. Maybe you have noticed some symptoms in your own life - symptoms of anger, jealousy, unforgiveness, greed, control, complaining, lack of trust, complacency, patience, etc. Although I am a strong believer in prayer, I am new at praying for my specific "illnesses" on a daily basis. I can attest to the difference it's made in me already in such a short time. I write this piece as an encouragement to others. If you've diagnosed yourself with any spiritual illnesses, try offering some daily medicine. Pray and ask God to help your symptoms go away. If you are willing, He is able to take your burdens (or symptoms) away. He will make you a new creation.

I Don't Have The Right To Be Unhappy

Life isn't always how I want it to be. It doesn't always look like I envision it should look. Of course, there have been moments that have exceeded my expectations but there have also been many detours along my journey. You may have gathered this about me from previous writings but I don't care much for detours. It is my gut instinct to stay focused on the path I think we're (my family's) supposed to be on. My energy and attitude are all about getting us back on the right road. I refuse to accept any kind of permanency. In my mind it is only a detour - it is temporary. I know we're supposed to be on a different road and I won't be satisfied until we get back to it.

My refusal to dig in and accept my surroundings wouldn't necessarily be so bad if the detour was only going to last a couple of months (translation: my frustration with life would only last a couple of months). But what if the detour takes a couple of years or more? Or what if it's not a detour at all and it's meant to be a new life path God wants my family to travel? How long will I live in frustration? How long will I live unhappily? The trouble is I'm not really sure how to tell the difference between a detour and a completely new life path. It seems that if I only knew it was a new life path, I could accept it and move on. As it is - I stay in detour mode - refusing to accept.

The truth is - whether it's a detour or a new life path doesn't matter. Either way God still wants me to accept the path He's put me on. He wants my obedience and my submission. He still wants me to focus on Him not my disappointments. He wants my heart to be right. He doesn't want to hear my whines and complaints. I can't change all of my circumstances but I can change my outlook. I can fight the detour or new life path every inch of the way but I will end up disappointing God, myself and those around me with my attitude. God has plans for me (and my family). How can He tell me what those plans are if I'm too busy complaining that we're not on the road I think we're supposed to be on. A person's attitude affects everything. It affects our enjoyment in life, our relationships with others and more importantly our relationship with God.

I think God completely understands our disappointments. He knows there are times we won't like the road we are on but I think He also expects us to get over it. He want us to realize that no matter what detours we encounter we truly have no reason to be unhappy. I look at it this way - God has given me more than I deserve before I was even born. Not only, has He given me salvation (through the death of His son I might add), but He also loves me deeply and passionately. And if that wasn't enough - and surely it is - He allows me to come to Him and have an intimate, loving relationship with Him. Think about it - the Creator of life takes time to be with me - to nurture me - to guide me - to lovingly rebuke me - to listen to me - to mold me - all so that I can be the child (the precious gem) He knows I can be. I am truly blessed by God's enduring and protective love. I may kick and scream when my road takes a turn. But I will learn to get over it. I don't have the right to be unhappy!

How Close Can I Get, Lord?

The music group Casting Crowns has a song entitled "Somewhere in the Middle". The very first time I heard the song it reached into the very heart of me. Even thought it's been quite a while since the first time I heard it, the song continues to resonate with me. Maybe it's because I still have something to learn. The whole song is full of great lyrics. The chorus goes as follows:

"Just how close can I get Lord, to my surrender, without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense,

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we're caught in the middle.

With eyes wide open to the differences - the God we want and the God who is.

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?"

There's a lot of meaning in just a few lines. In fact there is a lot I would like to touch on at a later time. But for now I want to focus on the first sentence. "Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?" This statement sums up one of my biggest struggles. It's the age old battle of surrender versus control. There is a huge part of me that desperately wants to give up control of my life over to God. After all, His will, His ways, and His plans are far better than mine. The problem is I don't fully know how to surrender - to give up control or even what that truly means. I see control as somewhat as a necessity. In my mind giving over total control means the possibility of allowing chaos into my life. And, unless I learned incorrectly, chaos is the opposite of order. The ironic thing is this - my control has yet to produce an orderly life. In the eternal words of Dr. Phil: "How's that working for you?" I have to answer: "Not so much, really!" You'd think I'd learn something. Instead, I'm stuck "Somewhere in the Middle".

I want God's participation, His blessings, His guidance.....hmmm....I just noticed something. Do I want God's participation more than I want His leadership? If you were to ask me I'd say of course I want His leadership but then there's always a caveat. I still would like to be able to have plenty of input. People who know me know that I'm not necessarily good at blindly following. I always have questions and/or input. It's not that I won't agree with the direction we're taking - it's that I just need to know all the parameters - all the details. I like to see the big picture. It calms me to have all the information before me. Like when I'm taking a road trip - I always want the atlas in front of me. I like to see where I'm going, where I'm at and where I've been. God doesn't give me an atlas. Most of the time I'm lucky if I get a street map. Sadly, not knowing what's around me makes me uncomfortable.

I think my control has more to do with trust than anything else. Sticking with the car imagery - I trust my husband when he takes the driver's seat. Even if I don't know where we're going, I trust in his ability to get me there. And, frankly, I prefer to be in the passenger seat. I don't really want to be in control - it's just that sometimes I feel like I need to take it. This generally happens when I don't see anything happening when I think something should be happening or when I'm around chaos. With chaos around me I feel the need to make order (and quickly).

I spend a lot of time asking God to take the wheel. But the funny thing is the trip never goes like I think it's suppose to. It's because I don't fully understand God's ways or His methods. And because I don't understand - the journey can sometimes seem chaotic and my instincts to take control kick in. Here's how I envision my typical stint as passenger on my Godly car ride of life:

"Now, where are we going again? I might be more at peace if I knew where we were going and what's going to happen along the way. "

"Are we going the speed limit? Because it seems like we're going really slow. Would it be okay if we went a little faster because I'm kind of anxious to get there - where ever "there" is."

"We're going to do what? Pull over and stay in the desert for a while? Oohh - that doesn't sound fun. Did we even bring any water with us? Won't we get thirsty? Wait a minute. You're not going to leave me there, are you? How about stopping at Disneyland instead? That's more like what I was thinking when I got into the car."

"WOW! That looks like a pretty nasty storm up ahead. Shouldn't we turn here? We're what?! We're going to go through the storm? Oh, no, no, no! That cannot be good."What did that sign say? Paradise!? Up ahead!? We have to go through the storm to get to Paradise? Ooohhh - so there is a plan." (Personal course correction now.) "I knew there was a plan. Really, I did. I trust you. You know what you're doing." (I think Someone just shook His head at me.) "I'm going to close my eyes now...and my mouth. I guess you'll let me know when you want me to do something."

Maybe you can relate. On the good days I'm closer to the surrender side. On the bad days I'm closer to the control side. On the average day I'm probably "Somewhere in the Middle". The good news is I see the problem and am willing to work on it. I don't want to fight God for control of any kind. I know it's not Godly or beneficial to me in any way. Like I said before - God sees the bigger picture. His ways are best. Yes, there may be pain in the journey and undesirable stops along the way but Paradise awaits.

Casting Crowns closes their song like this:

"Lord, I feel you in this place and I know you're by my side - loving me even on those days when I'm caught in the middle."

The Essence of Building My Faith

I realize it has been a while since I've posted anything to this blog. It bothers me to a great extent. I very much want to be diligent and committed in this effort. And yet I have been distracted by changes in routine and travels over Spring break. But here's the truth - when I've thought about writing - I have been unmotivated and feel somewhat spiritually drained. I have no topic or "Godly inspiration" which moves me to share. But as I thought further on my situation - I found the topic was right in front of me. Why the void? Why the drain? The reason is simple. Building our faith takes time. It takes effort. Over the last couple of weeks I have neglected to read my Bible (the main faith building source available). I, also, generally have at least two other books going at the same from other Godly authors. I haven't been reading any of them. My Godly focus has been distracted by life and in a sense, I haven't been refueling my faith.

I set out to do this blog, in part, as an effort to build my faith - to help keep my faith strengthened. And ironically, even though I haven't been writing in it for a while - it still has managed to reveal to me the very thing I need most in order to build my faith. Time with God and time in His word. Life has seemed chaotic the last couple of weeks. I have not felt grounded or peaceful. My focus has been lost. But at least I know why! And the great thing is - it is a correctable condition. So I will pick up my Bible and reconnect with my God. It is that very connection that gives me strength, peace, and hope (precious gems that God longs to share with us).

Building faith is a process. It's not about one day having faith to match the physical strength of Samson. It's about being stronger one day than the previous day. It is undeniable that our faith will take hits. Sometimes it's about taking two steps forward and one step back. The more we go forward the less damage the steps back will create in their wake.

My tidbit for the day: Focus on God, not on life!

Abundant Living

Recently, I read a book which is about receiving abundant blessings from God. Although the book's main focus is on the blessings given as a result of financial giving, it touches on other areas of giving as well. The idea is that when we tithe we receive blessings. Furthermore, when we give over and beyond a tithe we receive abundant blessings. Reading the author's point of view led me down a thought process I would like to share with you.

I truly believe God wants us to be givers - not just of our money but of ourselves and of our time. It has been said that our money really belongs to God. I would argue that the same holds true of our time? Everything we have on this earth is a gift from our Creator - including time. Which do you suppose is more valuable to Him?

I would venture to guess our time is what God craves more. After all, where and how we spend our time is a greater reflection of what's in our hearts. Money can help with a human need (shelter, hunger, clothing) but time can heal a heart need. When you spend time with someone you make them feel valued. They feel good inside. Your time tells them they are important enough to take you away from something you might rather be doing. Think about what it says to your child when you turn off the TV and play with them. What does you sick neighbor think when you mow their lawn for them or run their errands for them? Or how does a lonely person feel when you make a road trip to spend time with them? On the other side, what does it say when you isolate yourselves from others (family, friends, neighbors, strangers)? Does God want us to touch the lives of others or ourselves?

I don't want to leave the impression that because time may be more valuable to God that we don't need to be concerned about financial giving. Tithing is very important on many levels. For one, I believe there is a work done in our spirit when we give financially. It's a work of trust. We continually need to be made aware that God is our provider and not money. In addition, it may be true that God doesn't need our money but He does use it. God uses money to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, provide medicines for the sick and the list goes on and on. Both ways of giving are important. It's just that one may speak to the heart more than the other.

I think it's rare for someone to be really good at giving in both of these areas. For some it is much easier to write a check than to give a loved one, a neighbor or stranger their time. For some it is much easier to give time than money. Either way - doing what isn't easy for us probably means stepping out of a comfort zone that may be holding us captive. I have a feeling that truly giving may be truly freeing.

For me, I would like to be a better giver. I would like the ability to give both time and money without ever cringing. I would like to say that nothing has that much of a hold on me - that losing it would be nothing compared to the greater joy of giving.

But what about that abundant living? Let's say you faithfully tithe and your life is blessed as a result. That would be good, right? But what if there is a correlation between the giving of our finances and the giving of our time? What if they are tied together? What if you give financially and yet never give of your time (or vice versa)? On the other hand, what if you gave faithfully in both areas? Could that mean the difference between living a blessed life versus living an abundant life?

The Secret of Being Content

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." - Written by Paul in Philippians 4:12

I've read these words many times but one day one word in particular caught my attention. It was the word "secret". My thought was this: 'if there is a secret to being content, why didn't Paul share it with us?' Did he not think this was something valuable to know? Think of all the discontented people out there that could have taken that secret knowledge and made themselves content. I would venture to guess crime rates, suicide rates, road rage incidents, etc. would go down. I would also guess that people would smile more, yell less, and love better. The 'secret of being content' seems invaluable and yet it's buried deep in Paul's mind. Or is it? Maybe we were meant to search for the secret.

I started looking at Paul's life to see if I could figure out what it was that made him content. He clearly didn't travel the path of least resistance. After his conversion experience on the road to Damascus, he could have simply accepted Christ, retired from persecuting Christians, and lived out the rest of his life as a good person. But that would not do for this man. That would not have satisfied him. He would not have been, shall we say, content. Paul went full steam ahead sharing the message of Christ. He endured many trials and hardships along the way (he was imprisoned, shipwrecked, and snake bitten to name a few). We could try to argue that no one could possibly be content in those situations and yet Paul said those words. And I believe him. What was your secret, Paul?

Did it have to do with the choices he made? Life is full of forks in the road - choices that have to me made. Choice A might be less desirable and a little painful. Choice B sounds better. But in your spirit you know choosing Choice A will please God more. That's the choice Paul would have made (over and over). And the reason why, I believe, is because he recognized that pleasing God would bring him greater satisfaction than pleasing himself. Think about when you were a child and you did something that pleased your mom or dad. Or when as an employee you caught the thankful eye of your boss for something you did which wasn't altogether easy. The reward in your hard work was the feeling of pleasure your received in pleasing those who matter to you. And, frankly, who matters more than God? How much greater is that reward - that feeling of pleasing our heavenly Father - the Creator of life itself? Does that feeling make the difficulties we endure on His behalf worth it?

Two synonyms for content (and I think theses are profound) are fulfilled and gratified. I believe those words say a lot about how Paul lived his life. The conclusion I come to in figuring out Paul's secret is that being content means finding your focus in God. It's living your life with an undeniable focus on pleasing God. When that becomes our life's ultimate goal we may just discover it is, indeed, the secret to being content. Referring back to our choices above: Choice B may not necessarily be a wrong or sinful choice - just a different path to choose. Choosing B could very well be good and safe. The difference, however, between the choices we make could mean the difference between feeling "pleased" and feeling "fulfilled". The benefit of one far outweighs the other.

Ten on Ten (March)

It is that time again. I can hardly believe it's been a month already. Well - here is my list of ten things I'm thankful for:

1 - "Tiny Blessings" (see previous blog article): There is a danger when our lives get clouded by busyness and/or emotions. It's easy to miss the little ways in which God is working around us. And when we stop looking or stop seeing the tiny blessings we can tend to feel abandoned. I'm thankful that I am looking again and have the pleasure and joy of seeing God's hand in my life (in the simplest of things).

2 - Lessons from God: Learning lessons from God can often be very difficult - not because of stubbornness to learn but because of the pain of self-reflection. I'm thankful that God helps me become, not only, the person I want to become, but also, the daughter He knows I can be. He loves me enough not to leave me where I am. If I am willing He will help me grow.

3 - Music - Christian music in particular: It can heal, inspire, remind me of God's wonderful and amazing existence, or simply allow me to offer my praise. I only wish I could sing.

4 - Chocolate, Pepsi, popcorn, Chick-fil-a and the like: The little pleasures of life should not be overlooked or taken for granted. These are simple, simple things and yet they make me smile. And all those little smiles add up to a great big warm fuzzy. My joy in these little things has an added benefit: my husband is thankful that I'm not high-maintenance. (Enstrom's Almond Toffee, by the way --- um! um! ---little bit of heaven.)

5 - TV: I know what you're thinking (or are you?). In reality it's not the TV that I'm thankful for - it's the simple "dates" my husband and I have while watching some of our favorite shows together.

6 - Friends: Sadly - most of my long-time friends live in other states. I don't get to see them much or at all. But - I am thankful that time and space hasn't taken away the value we have in each other.

7 -How do I put this? I'm thankful that I don't live in the same crazy world as the people on some "reality" shows. When I see clips of some of these people on the news or other programs I try to reassure myself that these idiotic, immoral, self-aggrandizing people don't actually exist - that it's all an act. But then I think - maybe I live in a bubble and these people do exist. And if that's the case - I'm glad I don't live where they live.


8 - Things that make me laugh: It could be just about anything. Laughter is good for the soul. And it's contagious. When my daughter finds something fall-down funny - it makes us all laugh. Try watching America's Funniest Home Video's with a child. You will have more fun watching them than the show.


9 - Answered prayers: I continue in my journey to be faithful in prayer for others. I have found it a true pleasure to see God working in their lives.

10 - The gym: - although I don't get there as often as I'd like (or should) I am thankful that I have the opportunity to work out and take care of my body. When I do get to go - my body and my mind feel refreshed.

Too Tired To Worry

Matthew 6:25, 34 and 27

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes.

Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I admit it. I'm a worry wort. Let's just say my "normal" is probably somebody else's "high stress level". There never seems to be a shortage of things for me to worry about. Granted a lot of the things I worry about are small ticket items where my worry lasts for a short amount of time. But in the last several years I've been faced with lots of big ticket worry items. My worry meter has been off the charts. Frankly, I'm exhausted! I'm so completely tired of feeling stressed. I long for peace which seems like it should be a simple thing. And yet, by my own doing, it is hard to find.

The idea is to be strong in times of trial but the irony is that it's hard to find strength when you're weak. But maybe we wouldn't be so weak in times of trial if we didn't worry. Have you ever thought about the amount of strength it takes to worry? Worry is not an idle feeling. It's a consuming parasite. It consumes countless amounts of energy as well as hope. It eats away at, not only, our physical body, but our soul as well.

Not too long ago something happened that set me into a panic state. I could feel my insides shrinking with tension. I managed to get my daughter off to school even though my mind was elsewhere. But something happened as I was returning from dropping her off. I began to pray. That wasn't unusual. My custom is to pray when things get in panic mode. But this time - I hit my worry wall. My limit had been reached. It was like everything in me said "Enough!". I was exhausted - spiritually, physically and emotionally. I had no more strength. I said to God: "I can't do this anymore. I can't worry about this. I'm tired." As if God was somehow my worry coach saying, "Come on girl. You can do it. Keep on worrying." Of course that's a crazy image because God doesn't want us to worry. It's contradictory to His plan. Instead of Him encouraging me to worry more I can imagine Him sighing in relief and saying the following: "There you go, my child. Now you're getting it. I've never asked you to take on this burden. I have always been here to take on the burden for you. You can't carry this alone and I don't want you to. That's what trust is about. Trust in me and be at peace."

Why is it that we find it so hard to let go and to be at peace. Why do we worry? I think, for me, it's because I confuse responsibility with control. I want to be a responsible Godly person but at some point, I fear, my efforts to be responsible blur into control. And once I start controlling things, the harder it is to leave them in God's hands.

I may have hit my worry wall but knowing me there will likely be a time when I'll be tempted to rev up my worry motor once again. But hopefully, before that happens again I'll figure out whether I'm trying to be responsible or trying to be in control.

For now - I'm content with letting God take the wheel. He knows my life better than I do. He knows every situation I face. He knows where He wants me to go. He knows how He wants me to live. And most importantly, He loves me as His child whom He can't bear to see in pain. I will gladly let Him lead. Besides - I need the rest.

There Is God

Where there is wind
there is God.
He soars with us.

Where there is nature
there is God.
He gives us beauty.

Where there is pain
there is God.
He gives us healing.

Where there is sorrow
there is God.
He gives us comfort.

Where there is family
there is God.
He gives us love.

Where there is loneliness
there is God.
He gives us companionship.

Where there is despair
there is God.
He gives us hope.

Where there is adventure
there is God.
He gives us joy.

Where there is uneasiness
there is God.
He gives us peace.

Where there is Jesus
there is God.
He gave us Himself.

Where there is sin
there is God.
He gives us forgiveness.

Where there is death
there is God.
He gives us life.

Where there is praise
there is God glorified.

Ten on Ten

I was excited this morning when I realized it was the 10th. I've been waiting for this day for awhile now. I've taken inspiration from my friend Andrea who does a project every month called "10 on 10". She takes ten pictures throughout the day that give a snapshot view of her life. She has a great eye for seeing the special in the otherwise average day. If I had that kind of talent I would tackle that project too. However, I don't quite have the eye for it. Instead I've decided to take a spin on the "10 on 10". On a monthly basis I'd like to make note of 10 things I'm thankful for or blessed with in my life. Granted I should probably do this more than once a month but a girl's gotta start somewhere. So here's my list for today:

1 - I am thankful for my husband. I find it extremely ironic that we are completely opposite and yet in many ways very similar. We have been on a journey together - some of it pleasant and some not so much. When I'm down or worried about something, he helps pull be back up. I like to think I do the same for him. We are each other's defender. He's got my back and I've got his. Together we make a better team than we would apart.

2 - I am thankful for my daughter. She's my China angel. Life is more joyful with her in it. She is a true pleasure to be around. She is an incredibly special girl who is sweet and lovable. Admittedly she has her grumpy moments. But, for the most part, she's a princess. I know I sound biased but I speak the truth! She is without a doubt one of the best blessings I've ever received in my life.

3 - I am thankful for family. I am blessed with family that is supportive and has bent over backwards for us. Sometimes we are fortunate to agree on things. Sometimes we disagree and drive each other crazy. But through it all - we're still family.

4 - I am thankful for quiet time. Although I don't seem to get quite enough of this - I am very thankful when I do. Those moments help me retain (or maybe regain) some sanity in a crazy world. It's almost a necessity for me. Whether I'm able to spend time with God or just organize my thoughts I become a calmer, more patient person at the end of some quality alone time.

5 - I am thankful for hot water. Yes, you read correctly. It may sound simple but my belief is that we take so much for granted. I notice it most when I first step into the shower and the water hits my head. I love that feeling of being surrounded by the warmth. Sometimes I think how much I'd miss such a small pleasure if I didn't have it. I realize I'm blessed when I think how most of the world's population doesn't get to have that same luxury.

6 - I am thankful for good health. It may be a "standard" blessing but I truly am thankful that my family is healthy.

7 - I am thankful for God's provisions. I have a roof over my head. I have a heated house to live in. I have hot water (just had to throw that one in again.) I have plenty of food to eat. (Although I never seem to have enough chocolate.) I have clothes on my back and I have a car to drive. I admit I look at the things around me and wish they were better or different. I still long for my dream home or for a new car or to be able to go wild crazy shopping for new clothes. But the truth is - I am blessed with all I have. And I have more than most in the world.

8 - I am thankful for this blog. It helps me to be disciplined to look for God on a daily basis.

9 - I am thankful for hope (particularly hope for a new tomorrow). On some days it alludes me but maybe that's what makes it all the more special when I do feel it stirring within me.

10 -Most importantly - I am thankful for God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Without them I am lost. I'm so grateful to be found!

Feeling God's Love

My mom once asked me when I was going through a difficult time if I know God loves me. My answer was quick and sure. "Yes, I know God loves me." And then she asked the following: "But do you feel it in your heart that God loves you?" There was a truth behind that question I didn't necessarily want to face and was ashamed to admit. No, I didn't feel it. At that time in my life feeling God's love was somewhat of a mystery. I knew in my brain and logically that God loves me but I was unable to "feel" His love. Part of me felt abandoned. I wondered if He was listening. I would call out to Him but hear nothing - not knowing if He wasn't actually speaking or if I just couldn't hear Him. What I "knew" to be true and what I "felt" were two different things. Sometimes our brains and our hearts don't mesh. There is a disconnect between what we feel and what we know. It's not that God's love isn't always there. His love and faithfulness are, to me, undeniable truths. But sometimes my other emotions (anger, confusion, pain, etc.) prevent me from "feeling" His love. I am thankful for the "knowledge" of His love because it's that knowledge that gets me through the tough times. It gets me through to the place where I can eventually "feel" His love once again.

For me, when I find myself in those down times, not being able to feel God's love means not feeling Him standing next to me. There is no sense He is encouraging me to take a step and no perceived protection in case I take a bad step. I feel as if I am left to face life's struggles alone. Even though, mentally, I know I'm not.

I know others, like myself, who have their moments of questioning God's love. But there is hope, though, in our pain. It's not simply that God never leaves our side. It's that He loves us enough to pull us out of the desert we find ourselves in. We are blessed by the strength of His love. As we draw closer to the edge of the desert, the numbness begins to wear off and we slowly start to "feel" again. And what we "feel" finally begins to match up with what we already "know" in our mind - God loves us and will never leave us.

There is a saying - "love changes everything". How true that statement is when it comes to God's love. I have noticed a stark contrast in how I live my life when I feel God's love versus when I don't. When I don't feel His love I feel weak and out of control. I wonder about God's purpose for me. I wonder if I'm failing Him. These are all feelings intended to keep me immobilized and scared. But on the other hand, when I am fully aware of God's love I am empowered. I am strengthened in my spirit. I can face life's battles a lot easier knowing the Creator of the Universe is standing right beside me. There's no need for me to cower in the corner. I can stand up and move forward with the strength of God's love behind me. But more than that - I have the feeling of being loved by the God Most High. And although there are struggles in life which I will undoubtedly face again, I know the following to be true: Love never fails (I Corinthians 13:8).

Feeling God's Pleasure

Several years ago I bought a book entitled "Walking in Total God-Confidence" by Donna Partow. It's written as a ten-week study (great for groups) but I read it straight through. Not too long ago I decided to read through it once again. Just like the first time, I gleaned a lot from what Donna had to say. But this time one particular thing spoke to me in a profound way. In the book Donna relayed the story of Olympian Eric Liddel. If you're not familiar with him by name, the movie "Chariots of Fire" tells the story of his Olympic journey as a runner. In the movie, Donna explains, there is a scene where Eric's sister is trying to convince him to give up running and devote himself to missionary work. He responds to her by saying "I know God made me for a purpose. But he made me fast, too. And when I run, I feel God's pleasure." Wow! What a wonderful thing to feel. To know or to feel that something we do (which may seem frivolous to someone else) can bring pleasure to God is a feeling worth seeking.

In the book Donna goes on to ask the reader a question. It was a question I've probably asked myself a million times before and had no convincing answer. But somehow this time was different. This time when I asked myself the question, I instantly had an answer. What was the question? It was simply this: "Is there something you do that, when you do it, you feel God's pleasure? You feel 'the smile of God' upon your life."


For me it was a "putting two and two together" moment. I've been doing something for years off and on simply because I enjoyed doing it. But at the moment I asked myself Donna's question, I realized the feeling I got from doing it was more than just my enjoyment. It was the feeling of pleasing God. So what does one take away from such a realization? If I don't do it, I wonder if I'm displeasing God (or if I'm saying no to something He wants me to do). This is not a path I wish to take. So I choose to do what I believe in my heart pleases God (which, in turn, pleases me). My hope is that I'll discover the feeling more and more often with other things I do or in ways I behave.


Did I find God's calling for my life? Not necessarily. Eric Liddel's calling wasn't running. He eventually became a missionary to China. But running fast was a gift. I think Eric was blessed with the realization that simply doing something with the gift God gave him was pleasing to God. And I believe Eric relished every moment.

Live Your Life In Such A Way...

There is a saying out there that basically says we should live our lives in such a way as to tick satan off.

Now let me say up front I believe we should not necessarily live our lives focused on tormenting satan but rather on glorifying our Creator. But with that said - sometimes I do get sick and tired of feeling beat up on by the evil one. (This is what I prefer to call him. It reminds me of his true character. Besides I don't feel he should be dignified with a name.) There are moments when his attack on me is strong and sending a little annoyance his way sounds like a good idea. If it makes him suffer a little or cringe when I burst out in a praise song or when he hears me declare my love and loyalty to God then I'm okay with that. It actually kind of brings a smile to my face. I mean, really, he causes enough pain and havoc in the world and if it hurts his pointed little ears to hear me praise God then so be it. He shouldn't be close enough to hear my private conversations anyway. I figure when I pray or offer praises to God I'm creating a sound barrier of sorts. The evil one wants me to stop but can't get close enough because of the pain it causes him.

We're in a constant battle. The evil one sees we have been covered by the blood of Christ. Even though he may already know he can't win our souls he attacks anyway. This is because he knows he can render us ineffective. He relentlessly goes at us until we are weary. We become too tired to fight for ourselves let alone offer hope to others. If he keeps us from doing our jobs as Christians (reaching the lost), his job gets a whole lot easier. So let's get out there and pierce his ears to the point he topples over - immobilized - unable to do his bidding.

It goes a little like this: HALLELUJAH - PRAISE GOD ALMIGHTY. HIS NAME IS ABOVE ALL NAMES!! (What was that I heard? Was that shrieking? Or was it the sound of something slithering away?)

To be real with you - these past couple of years have been difficult. The evil one has attacked and attacked and I have been beaten up. So - my anger level toward him has been pretty high. But at least my anger is correctly placed on him rather than God. In difficult times or when the evil one is in attack mode it helps me to know that distancing myself from God is exactly what he wants. And if that's what the evil one wants then I will do my best to do the opposite. On bad days I lean on the strength of God or on the prayers of friends and family. On good days when my strength is up I do my best to make it clear - I will live my life in such a way as to make sure his efforts are wasted here!