Feeling God's Love

My mom once asked me when I was going through a difficult time if I know God loves me. My answer was quick and sure. "Yes, I know God loves me." And then she asked the following: "But do you feel it in your heart that God loves you?" There was a truth behind that question I didn't necessarily want to face and was ashamed to admit. No, I didn't feel it. At that time in my life feeling God's love was somewhat of a mystery. I knew in my brain and logically that God loves me but I was unable to "feel" His love. Part of me felt abandoned. I wondered if He was listening. I would call out to Him but hear nothing - not knowing if He wasn't actually speaking or if I just couldn't hear Him. What I "knew" to be true and what I "felt" were two different things. Sometimes our brains and our hearts don't mesh. There is a disconnect between what we feel and what we know. It's not that God's love isn't always there. His love and faithfulness are, to me, undeniable truths. But sometimes my other emotions (anger, confusion, pain, etc.) prevent me from "feeling" His love. I am thankful for the "knowledge" of His love because it's that knowledge that gets me through the tough times. It gets me through to the place where I can eventually "feel" His love once again.

For me, when I find myself in those down times, not being able to feel God's love means not feeling Him standing next to me. There is no sense He is encouraging me to take a step and no perceived protection in case I take a bad step. I feel as if I am left to face life's struggles alone. Even though, mentally, I know I'm not.

I know others, like myself, who have their moments of questioning God's love. But there is hope, though, in our pain. It's not simply that God never leaves our side. It's that He loves us enough to pull us out of the desert we find ourselves in. We are blessed by the strength of His love. As we draw closer to the edge of the desert, the numbness begins to wear off and we slowly start to "feel" again. And what we "feel" finally begins to match up with what we already "know" in our mind - God loves us and will never leave us.

There is a saying - "love changes everything". How true that statement is when it comes to God's love. I have noticed a stark contrast in how I live my life when I feel God's love versus when I don't. When I don't feel His love I feel weak and out of control. I wonder about God's purpose for me. I wonder if I'm failing Him. These are all feelings intended to keep me immobilized and scared. But on the other hand, when I am fully aware of God's love I am empowered. I am strengthened in my spirit. I can face life's battles a lot easier knowing the Creator of the Universe is standing right beside me. There's no need for me to cower in the corner. I can stand up and move forward with the strength of God's love behind me. But more than that - I have the feeling of being loved by the God Most High. And although there are struggles in life which I will undoubtedly face again, I know the following to be true: Love never fails (I Corinthians 13:8).