Too Tired To Worry

Matthew 6:25, 34 and 27

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes.

Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I admit it. I'm a worry wort. Let's just say my "normal" is probably somebody else's "high stress level". There never seems to be a shortage of things for me to worry about. Granted a lot of the things I worry about are small ticket items where my worry lasts for a short amount of time. But in the last several years I've been faced with lots of big ticket worry items. My worry meter has been off the charts. Frankly, I'm exhausted! I'm so completely tired of feeling stressed. I long for peace which seems like it should be a simple thing. And yet, by my own doing, it is hard to find.

The idea is to be strong in times of trial but the irony is that it's hard to find strength when you're weak. But maybe we wouldn't be so weak in times of trial if we didn't worry. Have you ever thought about the amount of strength it takes to worry? Worry is not an idle feeling. It's a consuming parasite. It consumes countless amounts of energy as well as hope. It eats away at, not only, our physical body, but our soul as well.

Not too long ago something happened that set me into a panic state. I could feel my insides shrinking with tension. I managed to get my daughter off to school even though my mind was elsewhere. But something happened as I was returning from dropping her off. I began to pray. That wasn't unusual. My custom is to pray when things get in panic mode. But this time - I hit my worry wall. My limit had been reached. It was like everything in me said "Enough!". I was exhausted - spiritually, physically and emotionally. I had no more strength. I said to God: "I can't do this anymore. I can't worry about this. I'm tired." As if God was somehow my worry coach saying, "Come on girl. You can do it. Keep on worrying." Of course that's a crazy image because God doesn't want us to worry. It's contradictory to His plan. Instead of Him encouraging me to worry more I can imagine Him sighing in relief and saying the following: "There you go, my child. Now you're getting it. I've never asked you to take on this burden. I have always been here to take on the burden for you. You can't carry this alone and I don't want you to. That's what trust is about. Trust in me and be at peace."

Why is it that we find it so hard to let go and to be at peace. Why do we worry? I think, for me, it's because I confuse responsibility with control. I want to be a responsible Godly person but at some point, I fear, my efforts to be responsible blur into control. And once I start controlling things, the harder it is to leave them in God's hands.

I may have hit my worry wall but knowing me there will likely be a time when I'll be tempted to rev up my worry motor once again. But hopefully, before that happens again I'll figure out whether I'm trying to be responsible or trying to be in control.

For now - I'm content with letting God take the wheel. He knows my life better than I do. He knows every situation I face. He knows where He wants me to go. He knows how He wants me to live. And most importantly, He loves me as His child whom He can't bear to see in pain. I will gladly let Him lead. Besides - I need the rest.