Life isn't always how I want it to be. It doesn't always look like I envision it should look. Of course, there have been moments that have exceeded my expectations but there have also been many detours along my journey. You may have gathered this about me from previous writings but I don't care much for detours. It is my gut instinct to stay focused on the path I think we're (my family's) supposed to be on. My energy and attitude are all about getting us back on the right road. I refuse to accept any kind of permanency. In my mind it is only a detour - it is temporary. I know we're supposed to be on a different road and I won't be satisfied until we get back to it.
My refusal to dig in and accept my surroundings wouldn't necessarily be so bad if the detour was only going to last a couple of months (translation: my frustration with life would only last a couple of months). But what if the detour takes a couple of years or more? Or what if it's not a detour at all and it's meant to be a new life path God wants my family to travel? How long will I live in frustration? How long will I live unhappily? The trouble is I'm not really sure how to tell the difference between a detour and a completely new life path. It seems that if I only knew it was a new life path, I could accept it and move on. As it is - I stay in detour mode - refusing to accept.
The truth is - whether it's a detour or a new life path doesn't matter. Either way God still wants me to accept the path He's put me on. He wants my obedience and my submission. He still wants me to focus on Him not my disappointments. He wants my heart to be right. He doesn't want to hear my whines and complaints. I can't change all of my circumstances but I can change my outlook. I can fight the detour or new life path every inch of the way but I will end up disappointing God, myself and those around me with my attitude. God has plans for me (and my family). How can He tell me what those plans are if I'm too busy complaining that we're not on the road I think we're supposed to be on. A person's attitude affects everything. It affects our enjoyment in life, our relationships with others and more importantly our relationship with God.
I think God completely understands our disappointments. He knows there are times we won't like the road we are on but I think He also expects us to get over it. He want us to realize that no matter what detours we encounter we truly have no reason to be unhappy. I look at it this way - God has given me more than I deserve before I was even born. Not only, has He given me salvation (through the death of His son I might add), but He also loves me deeply and passionately. And if that wasn't enough - and surely it is - He allows me to come to Him and have an intimate, loving relationship with Him. Think about it - the Creator of life takes time to be with me - to nurture me - to guide me - to lovingly rebuke me - to listen to me - to mold me - all so that I can be the child (the precious gem) He knows I can be. I am truly blessed by God's enduring and protective love. I may kick and scream when my road takes a turn. But I will learn to get over it. I don't have the right to be unhappy!
1 comment:
This one's a personal struggle for me too, so I appreciate your verbalizing it so well. I have -- in addition to the greatest gift of being called a child of the Most High God -- been blessed with a husband who loves me despite my shortcomings, a son, whom I love with every fiber of my being and am so very thankful to have and whom I thought I might never meet, a home that, although it has some issues, is more than many people in the world and even America could even hope to dream of, freedom to worship and live and love as I please, food and beverage any time I desire it to the point of unhealthfulness, a body that is not perfect but fully functional with the help of the medical community that we are so blessed to have in this country, a job that I don't love but don't hate, and the ability to acquire everything I need and most everything I want... And so many, many more things that this run-on sentence could go for pages and pages. So why is it when only one of those things seems out of MY will, that I weep to and whine at and beg of and scream at and make demands of the one Being who truly and altruistically loves me beyond all measure?
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