Somewhere In The Middle

Spring Break is among us and I'm enjoying family time.  I pulled an old post from the archives.  It still resonates with me. Maybe it does for you as well.  Have a blessed week.

The music group Casting Crowns has a song entitled "Somewhere in the Middle". The very first time I heard the song it reached into the very heart of me. Even though it's been quite a while since the first time I heard it, the song continues to resonate with me. Maybe it's because I still have something to learn. The whole song is full of great lyrics. The chorus goes as follows: 

"Just how close can I get Lord, to my surrender, without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense,

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we're caught in the middle.

With eyes wide open to the differences - the God we want and the God who is.

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?"

There's a lot of meaning in just a few lines. But for now I want to focus on the first sentence. "Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?" This statement sums up one of my biggest struggles. It's the age old battle of surrender versus control. There is a huge part of me that desperately wants to give up control of my life over to God. After all, His will, His ways, and His plans are far better than mine. 

The problem is I don't fully know how to surrender - to give up control or even what that truly means. I see control as somewhat as a necessity. In my mind giving over total control means the possibility of allowing chaos into my life. And, unless I learned incorrectly, chaos is the opposite of order.

The ironic thing is this - my control has yet to produce an orderly life. In the eternal words of Dr. Phil: "How's that working for you?" I have to answer: "Not so much, really!" You'd think I'd learn something. Instead, I'm stuck "Somewhere in the Middle".

I want God's participation, His blessings, and His guidance.  But do I want God's participation more than I want His leadership? If you were to ask me I'd say of course I want His leadership but then there's always a caveat. I still would like to be able to have plenty of input.

People who know me know that I'm not necessarily good at blindly following. I always have questions and/or input. It's not that I won't agree with the direction we're taking - it's that I just need to know all the parameters - all the details. I like to see the big picture. It calms me to have all the information before me.

I spend a lot of time asking God to take the wheel. But the funny thing is the trip never goes like I think it's suppose to. It's because I don't fully understand God's ways or His methods. And because I don't understand - the journey can sometimes seem chaotic and my instincts to take control kick in. Here's how I envision my typical stint as passenger on my Godly car ride of life:

"Now, where are we going again? I might be more at peace if I knew where we were going and what's going to happen along the way. "

"Are we going the speed limit? Because it seems like we're going really slow. Would it be okay if we went a little faster because I'm kind of anxious to get there - whereever "there" is."

"We're going to do what? Pull over and stay in the desert for a while? Huh? That doesn't sound fun. Did we even bring any water with us? Won't we get thirsty? Wait a minute. You're not going to leave me there, are you? How about stopping at Disneyland instead? That's kind of where I thought we were headed when I got into the car."

"WOW! That looks like a pretty nasty storm up ahead. Shouldn't we turn here? We're what?! We're going to go through the storm? Oh, no, no, no! That cannot be good."What did that sign say? Paradise!? Up ahead!? We have to go through the storm to get to Paradise? Oh.  I see. There is a plan." (Personal course correction now.) "I knew there was a plan. Really, I did. I trust you. You know what you're doing." (I think Someone just shook His head at me.) "I'm going to close my eyes now...and my mouth. I guess you'll let me know when you want me to do something."

Maybe you can relate. On the good days I'm closer to the surrender side. On the bad days I'm closer to the control side. On the average day I'm probably "Somewhere in the Middle". The good news is I see the problem and am willing to work on it. I don't want to fight God for control of any kind. I know it's not Godly or beneficial to me in any way. Like I said before - God sees the bigger picture. His ways are best. Yes, there may be pain in the journey and undesirable stops along the way but Paradise awaits.

Casting Crowns closes their song like this:

"Lord, I feel you in this place and I know you're by my side - loving me even on those days when I'm caught in the middle."

How Well Do We Trust God?

It's hard to learn to trust God when we don't give Him the opportunity to show His faithfulness.  How many times have you encountered a crisis, prayed to God for answers or help, then proceeded to deal with the problem on your own?  It's a very common problem that can lead to an even bigger problem. 

When we encounter a crisis and we're not grounded in our trust in God our fear and frustrations can take over and we react out of those emotions.  We get impatient for God to work.  We want our problem solved ASAP.  And as you may have noticed, God doesn't always time things the way we'd like Him to. So we try to solve our problems in our own time. 

All we really want is resolution and peace. And yes - sometimes when we take things into our own hands and get that quick resolution we think we feel peace.  But, the truth is, it's not peace we get - it's relief masquerading as peace.  True peace comes from waiting on God and trusting Him.

If we continue to respond to situations out of our impatience, over time our trust and faith in God diminishes.  Why? Because we haven't seen Him work in our lives for awhile.  He seems absent.  The problem isn't that He's absent - it's usually that we're impatient, we've ignored Him and we don't trust Him to work out the situation.

If we don't allow God the time and opportunity to work in our lives, how will we ever witness His faithfulness?  And if we don't see His faithfulness, how will we ever see and feel His loving hand upon us?  And that loving hand is where true peace comes from.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped.  Psalm 28:7

We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. Psalm 33:20,21

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

Surrender is Stronger

One of the popular songs from the music group FFH is a song called “Undone”.  In the chorus there is a line that says “Surrender is stronger.”  For a long time, I sang along with the words but didn’t really understand what the singer/writer meant by the phrase.  I mean, don’t we generally look at surrender as a sign of weakness? 

Then one day as I was facing my own battles (of control) I had a conversation with God about needing to surrender my will to His.  It was then I realized just how hard surrendering can be.  I find it particularly hard to let go especially when I’m unclear on what God’s will is.  What if I don’t like the direction God wants to lead me?  Do I really trust Him not to let me down?  It sounds crazy to say but haven’t we all felt that way (even if we don’t verbalize it)?  We’d rather be in control of our chaos than to surrender to the One who can make order out of it.

Yes – depending on the situation surrender can be a sign of weakness.  For example, surrendering to the will of the “evil one” is actually pretty easy to do.  But surrendering to God takes an incredible amount of strength, faith and courage.  What it ultimately means is that we place God first and put ourselves squarely under his authority.  This is not to say He wants us to lose our individuality, our creative thinking or our individual drive.  He created us with unique gifts and wants us to continue to grow in them.  But there are times when our will comes into conflict with His.  These are the times when surrendering becomes toughest.  Surrendering to God means we finally understand we’re the creation and not the creator. 

The song goes on to say “I don’t need to be the hero tonight.”  Maybe there is a part in all of us that feels like we have to be the hero (whether it’s because we want the glory or because we’re afraid that if we don’t, nobody else will).  I think it’s easy to let God take the hero role with the overall picture of life.  But, the reality is the big picture is made up of everyday scenes where I’m trying to play the lead.  Yes – surrendering to God is stronger.  Not only is it harder to do, but it also makes us stronger by doing it.

How Close Can I Get, Lord?

The music group Casting Crowns has a song entitled "Somewhere in the Middle". The very first time I heard the song it reached into the very heart of me. Even thought it's been quite a while since the first time I heard it, the song continues to resonate with me. Maybe it's because I still have something to learn. The whole song is full of great lyrics. The chorus goes as follows:

"Just how close can I get Lord, to my surrender, without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense,

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we're caught in the middle.

With eyes wide open to the differences - the God we want and the God who is.

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?"

There's a lot of meaning in just a few lines. In fact there is a lot I would like to touch on at a later time. But for now I want to focus on the first sentence. "Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?" This statement sums up one of my biggest struggles. It's the age old battle of surrender versus control. There is a huge part of me that desperately wants to give up control of my life over to God. After all, His will, His ways, and His plans are far better than mine. The problem is I don't fully know how to surrender - to give up control or even what that truly means. I see control as somewhat as a necessity. In my mind giving over total control means the possibility of allowing chaos into my life. And, unless I learned incorrectly, chaos is the opposite of order. The ironic thing is this - my control has yet to produce an orderly life. In the eternal words of Dr. Phil: "How's that working for you?" I have to answer: "Not so much, really!" You'd think I'd learn something. Instead, I'm stuck "Somewhere in the Middle".

I want God's participation, His blessings, His guidance.....hmmm....I just noticed something. Do I want God's participation more than I want His leadership? If you were to ask me I'd say of course I want His leadership but then there's always a caveat. I still would like to be able to have plenty of input. People who know me know that I'm not necessarily good at blindly following. I always have questions and/or input. It's not that I won't agree with the direction we're taking - it's that I just need to know all the parameters - all the details. I like to see the big picture. It calms me to have all the information before me. Like when I'm taking a road trip - I always want the atlas in front of me. I like to see where I'm going, where I'm at and where I've been. God doesn't give me an atlas. Most of the time I'm lucky if I get a street map. Sadly, not knowing what's around me makes me uncomfortable.

I think my control has more to do with trust than anything else. Sticking with the car imagery - I trust my husband when he takes the driver's seat. Even if I don't know where we're going, I trust in his ability to get me there. And, frankly, I prefer to be in the passenger seat. I don't really want to be in control - it's just that sometimes I feel like I need to take it. This generally happens when I don't see anything happening when I think something should be happening or when I'm around chaos. With chaos around me I feel the need to make order (and quickly).

I spend a lot of time asking God to take the wheel. But the funny thing is the trip never goes like I think it's suppose to. It's because I don't fully understand God's ways or His methods. And because I don't understand - the journey can sometimes seem chaotic and my instincts to take control kick in. Here's how I envision my typical stint as passenger on my Godly car ride of life:

"Now, where are we going again? I might be more at peace if I knew where we were going and what's going to happen along the way. "

"Are we going the speed limit? Because it seems like we're going really slow. Would it be okay if we went a little faster because I'm kind of anxious to get there - where ever "there" is."

"We're going to do what? Pull over and stay in the desert for a while? Oohh - that doesn't sound fun. Did we even bring any water with us? Won't we get thirsty? Wait a minute. You're not going to leave me there, are you? How about stopping at Disneyland instead? That's more like what I was thinking when I got into the car."

"WOW! That looks like a pretty nasty storm up ahead. Shouldn't we turn here? We're what?! We're going to go through the storm? Oh, no, no, no! That cannot be good."What did that sign say? Paradise!? Up ahead!? We have to go through the storm to get to Paradise? Ooohhh - so there is a plan." (Personal course correction now.) "I knew there was a plan. Really, I did. I trust you. You know what you're doing." (I think Someone just shook His head at me.) "I'm going to close my eyes now...and my mouth. I guess you'll let me know when you want me to do something."

Maybe you can relate. On the good days I'm closer to the surrender side. On the bad days I'm closer to the control side. On the average day I'm probably "Somewhere in the Middle". The good news is I see the problem and am willing to work on it. I don't want to fight God for control of any kind. I know it's not Godly or beneficial to me in any way. Like I said before - God sees the bigger picture. His ways are best. Yes, there may be pain in the journey and undesirable stops along the way but Paradise awaits.

Casting Crowns closes their song like this:

"Lord, I feel you in this place and I know you're by my side - loving me even on those days when I'm caught in the middle."